Even though you know he loves you, there appears to be something stopping him.
You’re confused by his contradictory signals, which include nice little gifts, kind texts, and smiles, yet when things get serious, he backs off.
Why is that?
In actuality, he can adore you yet still be afraid of getting into a relationship.
Don’t think it’s a reflection on you; more than likely, his reluctance is due to past love difficulties or his own insecurities about being vulnerable.
The good news is that, if you know what to look for, small clues can disclose his genuine feelings.
17 Indices a Guy Is Terrified But Still Loves You
These small cues, which your heart is already picking up on, indicate that he genuinely loves about you but is afraid to take a chance or go farther emotionally.
Discover the top 17 indicators that the man in your life loves you but is experiencing relationship anxiety by reading on.
1. He confides in you about private matters.
You may tell a man trusts you and regards you as a safe place if he feels at ease revealing secrets, problems, or traumatic memories from his past. Even if he avoids commitment, it shows concern and emotional connection when someone who is normally cautious confides in you about very personal concerns.
2. He becomes tense when discussing the future.
Have you ever tried to talk about your aspirations or future plans and your conversations have stalled? Does he shift the topic to get out of the conversation? If so, fear, not boredom, is the cause of this evasiveness. He enjoys spending today with you but gets anxious when he has to make promises for tomorrow.
3. He gets quite close, then pulls away.
Have you seen a trend where he emotionally separates himself after a lovely, intimate moment of bonding? He has this rubber band sensation when intimacy makes him feel overly exposed. Though he is afraid of the intensity, he is afraid of how much care.
4. You become aware of his nervous tics around you.
Observe his body language to determine whether reassuring you causes him anxiety. When expressing affection or talking about the relationship, these include fidgeting, perspiring, stuttering, clearing the throat, or blushing. These indicators show that he’s uncomfortable with how much he likes you.
5. His statements concerning his plans are ambiguous.
Does he say he hates making plans, but then suggest that he wants to visit your hometown? Does he offer to take you on a vacation but then claim he’d rather go it alone? These conflicting signals indicate that although he sees you in his future, he is unsure of how to include you in it.
6. He is envious yet uncommittal.
It’s jealousy if he makes disparaging remarks about other men in your life or pouts when you spend less time together. Though he wants to escape the responsibilities of a relationship, he still wants to be your top priority. He cares a great deal, yet his lack of commitment shows in his possessive behaviours.
7. He tries to be in close physical proximity to you.
Take note if he makes an effort to sit close to you, gives you long hugs, lightly touches your arm when you’re talking, or cuddles up a little closer on the couch. These tender acts that progressively heighten touch reveal his genuine passion for you, despite his difficulty expressing it verbally.
8. He talks about his dreams, not his issues.
Have your introspective conversations focused more on aspirations, objectives, or humorous anecdotes than on issues? It takes trust and emotional connection to share dreams, therefore his openness proves that you are important. However, he sidesteps anything “too real” that could advance the relationship more quickly by avoiding depressing subjects.
9. His family is unaware of you, but his buddies are.
It indicates he cares deeply but isn’t ready for you to fully into his world if his friends know specifics about you while his family doesn’t. It’s simple to introduce partners to friends; integrating them with the family indicates a strong bond he isn’t yet ready to admit.
10. He only lets his guard down when he’s intoxicated.
Does he express his love for you or that he misses you just when he feels brave and bold? Alcohol is lowering inhibitions if sober chats centre on trivial amusement but after a few drinks, he becomes emotionally expressive. For a little while, he feels comfortable telling you how much you mean to him.
11. Following major events, he becomes fearful.
Have you observed that, following every major relationship milestone, such as your first major dispute, your first trip together, saying “I love you,” or being physical, he withdraws or requires space for a while? For commitment-averse males, these indicators give the relationship more “realness.”
12. He buys you sentimental gifts but refuses to refer to you as his girlfriend.
A man shows true concern and attention when he takes the time to choose meaningful gifts particularly for you, such as childhood favourites or artwork that captures your essence. However, if he objects to terms like “girlfriend,” he might be having problems with emotional availability.
13. He calmly discusses issues with friends but refuses to engage with you.
Compare the way he handles arguments with other people to disagreements between the two of you. He can be afraid of being vulnerable when it comes to emotional intimacy if he talks about problems with friends without any difficulty but withdraws or becomes withdrawn when things are tough for you.
14. He keeps track of everything you say, yet dates escape him.
If he can recall specifics about your life, hobbies, and anecdotes but can’t seem to remember events you’ve planned together or confuse significant dates like your birthday, pay attention. This paradox tells you that you’ve left a lasting emotional imprint, but he is afraid to plan forward.
15. He keeps his phone hidden from view.
He may be squirrelly when you get too close, as evidenced by his hiding his phone when you walk in a room, turning the screen away from your view, or taking calls in private. Though he fears about losing his independence in a committed relationship, he cares a great deal.
16. He opens up to you about his inner life.
A man’s disclosure of his childhood traumas, spiritual convictions, secret dreams, or quiet eccentricities requires a great deal of confidence. He may still have commitment concerns, but if he picks you to be the protector of his most vulnerable self, it shows that he has strong compassion.
17. There comes a moment at which his words and deeds diverge.
Does he text you all the time in the beginning, complement you, take you on expensive dates? Suddenly, as things go on, you start to feel emotionally cut off from him as his loving words and actions gradually become less frequent. His worry of losing himself when he commits more fully is revealed by this discrepancy.
What Could Make a Guy Afraid of Falling in Love with You?
It’s usually nothing personal during those perplexing times when you can’t figure out why your partner isn’t embracing your wonderful union. He might even be filled with warm, fuzzy emotions on the inside. However, these horrifying connections to love give rise to deep-seated anxieties about vulnerability, which encourage evasion. Take a look at these underlying reasons for his fear:
He believes he is undeserving.
Emotional scars or shame regarding failed relationships in the past might lead to intense guilt. He self-sabotages closeness before taking the chance of being rejected or disappointed because, deep down, he thinks you’re amazingly out of his league.
He worries about being less independent.
Men tend to value independence. They view “locking down” as a noose-tightening because they are used to having their own habits or the freedom to pursue interests without giving up. Even while he longs for closeness, giving up his independence seems daunting.
To him, commitment means being stuck.
He most likely has some scars if he’s gone through difficult breakups or witnessed his parents’ marriage collapse. Relationships are just a way for him to feel confined and smothered. Taking that next step freaks him out big time, even though he believes the chemistry is heating up and he absolutely likes you.
How Do You Deal When You Recognise He’s Attracted to You But Fearful?
You become perplexed and nervous as you begin to realise that he is fighting an internal war against himself—strong attraction against equally intense anxiety. It’s evident that he enjoys and cares about you, but something is keeping him from giving you his whole emotional support. Breathe deeply before you become agitated. If you have any understanding of commitment phobia, you can gently address his concerns in a way that allows the relationship to develop:
Don’t blame yourself or take it personally: If he is resistant, it’s probably not because he thinks you or the partnership are flawed but rather because of prior hurt or deeply held views.
If he appears overwhelmed, give him some room: Avoid suffocating or pursuing him, as this will exacerbate his fear. Prove you stand for ease rather than expectations.
Instead of anticipating hasty statements of commitment status or the future, develop intimacy and trust gradually.
Express your wish for him to be happy: whether or not you are around! Eliminate any inferred pressure.
Offer counselling if necessary: to identify avoidance tendencies and provide communication resources. Also, try to support yourself.
You’ll either find that you deserve someone who is totally available and unreserved, or he will naturally develop the ability to be intimate as you put more effort into improving yourself than trying to change him. Either approach results in tranquilly and self-awareness.
Is He Afraid of Me or Is He Not Attractive?
It might be difficult to tell at times whether a person’s remoteness is due to a lack of emotional availability or just plain boredom. However, some indicators suggest fading desire rather than transient barriers brought on by intimacy anxieties. Take note of these indicators that he’s progressing and not merely passing through a scary stage:
He gives up making eye contact.
You might no longer be a top priority to him if the effort seems to be directed only towards you and your texts go unanswered for days. He will answer right away if he truly is interested in you. However, silence conveys more indifference than merely stepping away.
He avoids arranging things.
Rain checks are expected from time to time. However, does he continue to reply to your attempts to schedule things with vague justifications and no offers of alternate days or times? If so, it’s likely that he doesn’t think you two will last. If he was still interested, he would propose rescheduling as opposed to just being ambiguous.
Your anecdotes, humour, and frailties fall on deaf ears.
Everybody occasionally loses their mind. But when you open your heart, persistent indifference and diversion suggest he’s checked out. Though they may listen intently, scared men want breaks from complex conversations.
Problems don’t make any feelings show.
He doesn’t express regret, anxiety, or grief when he disappoints you, forgets a crucial appointment, or causes you emotional distress. When there is no emotion, the connection has probably cooled off.
Last Words of Wisdom.
Show yourself and the man you care about compassion if he shows evidence of strong emotions mixed with great dread. Don’t exert pressure. Even though it will hurt, you might have to leave if your efforts are still just being directed at him or if he doesn’t want to overcome obstacles. If, however, there is willingness behind the surface, allow intimacy to develop naturally.
